6 and almost 7

Dear Karlie,

You are in 1st grade this year and let me tell you, life has been VERY easy but seems to be getting harder between us. :(  You are definitely becoming more independant, bossy, and roll your eyes at mom when I "don't make sense".  I suppose that is life and the age where you are, but it makes me sad.  You just seem to think that I am so against you sometimes!!!  I am your BEST friend ever and would do anything for you and I am only trying to do my best job, someday I hope you will understand that.  Being a mom is hard.  You want your kids to love you, respect you and honor you, listen, but sometimes you just think that I am plain old "dumb".  I understand, I know I did too when I was younger with my mom.

You are definitely into fashion.  You LOVE the store justice and would die and go to heaven in there.  This year for your birthday I told anyone and everyone to shop at Justice.  You want makeup, you love doing hair, you like all that glitters....SUCH a girly girl!!! I don't think that I was EVERY like that.  Many people probably think that I am the one that wears off on you to be like that, but trust me, I would rather be in jeans and a sweatshirt anyday!!!

You LOVE singing and I am trying to get you some lessons b/c I know you would be awesome.  I have even volunteered to sing with you to try to encourage you.  You love to go on itunes and pandora radio and listen to hiphop music, mom often doesn't agree and makes you turn it off.  Ya, call me old fashioned but its just stuff that I don't want you consumed with.  I always put in the front of my mind "Do not conform to the ways of this world".  It DOES matter what goes in and out of your little mind.  It DOES matter what kind of friends you have, the clothes...You just remind me so much of myself that I think that is why we butt heads.  I used to be the same way.  You will always be looking at yourself, asking if you look pretty, and you are beautiful just the way you are!!!!!!  I never believed it when I was younger and I still don't believe it as much as I should, but through my faith in the good Lord I do know that I am beautiful and I don't compare anymore....I am who the Lord made me and by trying to change that it is saying that God wasn't good enough in what he did for me.

I want you to find your worth in the Lord, not the friends, stuff, makeup, clothes....stuff that doesn't matter!!!  It will always leave you empty and looking for the fullfullment in something else.  Filling the void with earthly things will always leave you empty....  I try so hard to build up your self-esteem but you put sooooo much pressure on yourself.  You want to be perfect, you want to do good, make other proud, you hate it if someone is disappointed and some of those things are WONDERFUL qualities and can be treasured, but I don't want you to get so discouraged in trying to please others b/c that will also fail.  We can't please everyone else.  Karlie has to be who she is and proud of who SHE is and that is really hard as a girl.  I am going to try my hardest Karlie.  I have a HUGE passion for girls in school, comparing, competition, envy, jealousy, they are mean, they were mean to mom and I cried all the time....I don't want it to happen to you and I pray for you alot, not near enough!!!

Its almost Christmas and you want a makeup kit from Justice, you got a journal/diary and LOVE it from aunt Sarah, and earings and a earing holder which you also love....I bought you clothes (yes from Justice) and I am going to give you a cross necklace that I bought from Silpada which I hope you wear daily and never loose.  It reminds you of who you are and who loves you....Jesus and mom.  You will someday realize that those are the 2 people that will NEVER leave you nor judge you and that you can always go to.  I know that one of them though will fail....Me.  I won't be the best mom, I will fail you, you will get mad at me, hate me at times, think I am the evil one....but You are Jesus' child and He will always have you in His hands.  You are growing in your faith so much this year!!!  Last week you wanted to pray at the dinner table:

Dear God, thank you so much that today we could worship you.  That we could learn about you....I kicked dads leg under the table and gave him a look of complete amazement!!!  Worship you????  I have NEVER heard you say that before and it brought tears to my eyes.  I am so proud of you Karlie.
I love you more than you will ever know....

Mom