Its been way too long Karlie Joy. You are now 8 years old, going on 20. This year you have really blossomed and changed from a little girl to a young woman. You cross your legs, you constantly do your hair, you won't let me pick out your clothes anymore, you change your clothes about 5 times a day, and you LOVE shoes. Yesterday we went to the mall. Just the 2 of us. I don't know if we have ever done that but I learned it is very dangerous. You love to shop. I don't. You could try on clothes all day long, I hate trying on clothes. You found a pair of high heeled sandals at Macy's and you were completely glowing with Joy. You LOVED them. You were walking around in them and all the workers and other moms/ladies were just smiling at you. You wanted them soooo bad. You asked if you could even save your allowance for them. Then you asked if I would buy them and save them until you were old enough to wear them b/c by the time you were old enough, they would be gone. sooooo cute!!!
We had chinese and you said that you were having so much fun together. I wonder how long these days will last, that you LOVE being with mom. Somedays you won't even let me hold you, hug you or touch you. Your not a very touchy person. You always have been that way. You would rather be put down in your crib and left alone. Luke on the other hand, loves to be held and loved on.
I ended up leaving the mall spending all of MY allowance on you and luke. Mostly on you b/c it was sooo hard to say no. We got you some shorts from Justice your favorite store. We got you some flipflops. We bought Luke a Lego teeshirt that says "everything is awesome" b/c we always sing that song. You were upset I wouldn't buy you a skateboard, ripstik, and more shoes. :)
You had a great year at school. Mr Helder was one of the most amazing teachers and I think it is safe to say, that he will go down as the best one you will ever have. He was fun, energetic, loving, passion for the Lord, and taught you so well. You come home and absolutely amaze me!!! You are soooooooooo smart!!! I can't even do your homework!!! When it comes to math, I just say "go get dad". :) He is the smarty pants when it comes to math. You are at a 4th grade reading level in 2nd grade and you were placed next year in the advanced classes. And you know what? I have never helped you with a thing!! You always know your memory verses, your reading you learned on your own, math comes 2nd nature, and I am pretty sure that anything you put your mind too, YOU CAN DO!!!
You tried singing lessons this year. You didn't like it. I was incredibly proud of you for at least trying!!! That is always my saying "at least try it once". If you hate it. Fine. BUT what if you love it??? How will you know until you have tried? Never live with regret.
You still love gymnastics and we tried out for competition cheer and you LOVED it. We found a local non competitive cheer program at hudsonville public that you will do instead. The other was just too much money and you were sad, but overall, you understood and were very good about it.
You always say "I don't know want to do anything that involves a ball" :)
You are amazing little christian already at your age. Your nightly prayers AMAZE me. You have passion, love and pray for everyone. You say "thank you Lord that we could go to church today and praise and worship you, for being able to pray to you." Thank you for your love and that you made me. Thank you that we love jesus and help others to know you." Sometimes I lay beside you with tears in my eyes and just say thank you Lord. Your an amazing little girl Karlie and I LOVE you soooo much!!!
I pray daily for your friendships, you kinda had a rough year with some girls in class, but that you make the right choices and pick friends that love the Lord and encourage and lift you up. I pray that you put the Lord first in your life and realize who you are in Christ way before the age I did!! And you know what? I think you already have it.....its mind blowing to me. Its got nothing to do with me and all about the Lords work in your little heart. Praise the Lord!!!
Keep up the good work Karlie!!!
Developed for my daughter to have and read some day....Love her mom
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Saturday, March 23, 2013
March 23, 2013- 7 years old going on 20 :)
Hi Karlie,
You are in 1st grade right now and for the past week you were Star of the week! You were soooo excited. Unfortunately Luke got sick with a high fever and has strep throat so he can't go to school and dad is in mexico so I can't come to be with you either. I did make it there on Friday though and I read a book to your class about Walrus and tooth aches and going to the dentist. You got to sit on my lap and then the class asked me questions about myself.....We made cupcakes the night before and decorated them for Easter, you said it was your favorite thing to do and you just LOVE baking lately. You like eating most of the batter is what you like doing ;) I went out with you for recess and watched you play and do the zip line and the new toys that the school got this year. You were on cloud nine and so happy. I treasure these days b/c you just love me so much lately.
With dad being gone in mexico I get to do my favorite thing and that is sleep with my 2 little buddies every night and we all crawl into moms bed. You both do not go to bed very well or quickly but that is one of my most treasured times. You tell me so many stories and I get to hear about your day and your dreams...I am VERY encouraged about your prayers this year, you are making them more personal, I told you that you need to treat God like a friend and tell him whatever is on your heart b/c he will listen to you. Right now you pray for:
friends at school that are sick
for your many blessings
to heal grandpa and make him stronger
for the right dog for our family, and at the right time
for luke to get better
thanks for the good day at school and recess
For school you had homework come home the other night and it said "IF I WERE PRESIDENT".....You wrote in "I would want everyone to know and believe in God and not have any idols". It brought tears to my eyes and made me sooo proud. This year I cannot believe the personal growth I have seen in you in your relationship with God and your actual understanding of it!!! I swear you know more than I ever did!!! I really think that you are getting it!!! The stuff you say and do just blows me away and I can do nothing but be on my knees in thanksgiving to God for helping you see Him!!! Your favorite songs are "the Perfect ten" which is all about the 10 commandments. "steal my show" which is another christian song about God being the show not our lives, you both LOVE chris tomlin "where you go I go". I try my best to ALWAYS have wcsg on in the car and that only b/c even Luke is now singing the songs and words. You love it and try to teach him new songs often.
You had your first FATHER DAUGHTER DANCE at school and you were sooooooooo excited. Alexa did your hair and we bought you a new dress, dad went dirtbiking during the day and was stressed out b/c his bike had issues and seemed to take it out on mom when he got home and didn't let me take any pictures of you together. You got to go in a limo bus, make a craft and decorate a picture frame, thank goodness they took a picture of you together for mom!!! you danced and had an icecream social. Dad even said that he had alot of fun and enjoyed the night with you. You guys were gone for 4 hours and you couldn't stop talking about it!!! You were soooo proud and happy.
Right now your mission is trying to find a dog and the right dog and a dog that dad will let us have. You write notes about it all the time, you even pray for it at school (I see a list of personal prayers when you get home from teacher) you write stories about it....You want a dog soooooooooo bad. I am working on that one! :) You love gymnastics and are getting really good but you are scared and if you get hurt at all, your done. You are quite a drama :)
I love you soooooooooooo much Karlie joy!!! You truly are a JOY just like your name says, to me, dad, and everyone that knows you!!! I keep praying for your little heart and the right friends and that you love the Lord with all your heart, mind and soul.
You are in 1st grade right now and for the past week you were Star of the week! You were soooo excited. Unfortunately Luke got sick with a high fever and has strep throat so he can't go to school and dad is in mexico so I can't come to be with you either. I did make it there on Friday though and I read a book to your class about Walrus and tooth aches and going to the dentist. You got to sit on my lap and then the class asked me questions about myself.....We made cupcakes the night before and decorated them for Easter, you said it was your favorite thing to do and you just LOVE baking lately. You like eating most of the batter is what you like doing ;) I went out with you for recess and watched you play and do the zip line and the new toys that the school got this year. You were on cloud nine and so happy. I treasure these days b/c you just love me so much lately.
With dad being gone in mexico I get to do my favorite thing and that is sleep with my 2 little buddies every night and we all crawl into moms bed. You both do not go to bed very well or quickly but that is one of my most treasured times. You tell me so many stories and I get to hear about your day and your dreams...I am VERY encouraged about your prayers this year, you are making them more personal, I told you that you need to treat God like a friend and tell him whatever is on your heart b/c he will listen to you. Right now you pray for:
friends at school that are sick
for your many blessings
to heal grandpa and make him stronger
for the right dog for our family, and at the right time
for luke to get better
thanks for the good day at school and recess
For school you had homework come home the other night and it said "IF I WERE PRESIDENT".....You wrote in "I would want everyone to know and believe in God and not have any idols". It brought tears to my eyes and made me sooo proud. This year I cannot believe the personal growth I have seen in you in your relationship with God and your actual understanding of it!!! I swear you know more than I ever did!!! I really think that you are getting it!!! The stuff you say and do just blows me away and I can do nothing but be on my knees in thanksgiving to God for helping you see Him!!! Your favorite songs are "the Perfect ten" which is all about the 10 commandments. "steal my show" which is another christian song about God being the show not our lives, you both LOVE chris tomlin "where you go I go". I try my best to ALWAYS have wcsg on in the car and that only b/c even Luke is now singing the songs and words. You love it and try to teach him new songs often.
You had your first FATHER DAUGHTER DANCE at school and you were sooooooooo excited. Alexa did your hair and we bought you a new dress, dad went dirtbiking during the day and was stressed out b/c his bike had issues and seemed to take it out on mom when he got home and didn't let me take any pictures of you together. You got to go in a limo bus, make a craft and decorate a picture frame, thank goodness they took a picture of you together for mom!!! you danced and had an icecream social. Dad even said that he had alot of fun and enjoyed the night with you. You guys were gone for 4 hours and you couldn't stop talking about it!!! You were soooo proud and happy.
Right now your mission is trying to find a dog and the right dog and a dog that dad will let us have. You write notes about it all the time, you even pray for it at school (I see a list of personal prayers when you get home from teacher) you write stories about it....You want a dog soooooooooo bad. I am working on that one! :) You love gymnastics and are getting really good but you are scared and if you get hurt at all, your done. You are quite a drama :)
I love you soooooooooooo much Karlie joy!!! You truly are a JOY just like your name says, to me, dad, and everyone that knows you!!! I keep praying for your little heart and the right friends and that you love the Lord with all your heart, mind and soul.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Happy 7th Birthday!
This weekend you turned 7 years old! You were so excited all week and could hardly fall asleep at night. Sometimes we will just lay in bed for hours talking, and yes, its hard not to hollar at you and tell you to go to sleep b/c you just open up and talk about everything. Lately I have been falling asleep with you almost every night. (you love it! :) Then I feel bad for dad :)
This week on Friday Dec. 14 was dads birthday. We had plans to go out for dinner and to a Griffins hockey game and you and Luke were sooooo excited, you would have thought it was your birthday. Here I have this whole party planned for you on your birthday and your more excited about going to the Griffins hockey game! Thats usually the way it goes! lol
Friday was also the day that our country had a tragedy occur. In a school in Connecticut, 20 first graders got killed and 8 adults by a young punk 20 years old who ended up taking his own life, just walked into school and started shooting.... We didnt' talk about it much that day but since then we have, I didn't want to upset you on your special weekend. It is just devastating and I thought about how easy it was to come into your school and see you, how that could have been you!! I slept with you 2 nights this weekend just to be at your side, I lay awake staring at you b/c your so beautiful, your face is like a porcelain doll, and your so sweet and innocent and I can see the love for the Lord in your heart growing and it makes me soooo happy!!! Your really starting to understand deep topics in relationship to God, Jesus, and the Holy spirit and sin and punishment, Why we want Jesus, how to set ourselves apart, and do not conform...I pray for you often, and not nearly enough!!!
Saturday finally came. I asked if you wanted to go to the tiny restaurant at the corner for breakfast but you wanted Grandma Nyenhuis' dutch pancakes! So we headed over. You opened your presents from mom and dad first (I got you a special necklace which was sterling silver cross, I wear the same one, telling you that you are a special gift to me, and from God and that you are God's, special in your own way) I hope you keep it along time and treasure it. You also got clothes (from Justice of coarse!! and a makeup box from justice, slippers, journals, crafts and hair accessories) you are DEFINITELY all girl. I don't know where you get it. Honestly. I hate doing hair, makeup, and love jeans and sweatshirts and you LOVE IT!! Maybe its the age. I think you are growing up WAY TOO FAST!!!!
We went shopping and to pick up your birthday cake, then the girls started arriving for the party. 13 friends for a gymnastics party. (Mallory and Kate Hoekwater, Alexis Dehoop, Raina (neighbor), Corryn (daughter of moms friend) classmates (Ainsley, Emerson, Ellie, boy....I can't remember without you. (yes, mom is getting old :) You girls had a blast. We ALL loaded up in Uncle Troys big van that fit 12. Jackie and the others met us down there. You played, jumped, twirled, and then we had pizza, cake, and sang to you. (even the police showed up!! Aunt Jackies suburban got broken into :( Then we headed home to open presents and to play. Party was from 2:30-6:30 and Corryn stayed all night. Your favorite gift was from Corryn, a voice activated journal that opens only to your voice! You wanted to take it to school today but mom said no. ;)
I kinda felt bad b/c I never got personal time with you. You don't get a full blown birthday party every year young lady!! Don't expect it, its alot of $$ even though you think everything is free. I really need to teach you appreciation, and quit buying things you don't have to have....Ya, I like to spoil you, shoot, I spend all of my own personal allowance that I get each week on you guys not me!!! Its more fun seeing you enjoy things than things mom doesn't really need either. Grandma N spoils you alot too!! Your so blessed to have such great grandpa and grandmas!!!
I love you Karlie Joy more than you will ever know. You are truly growing up into a lady right before my eyes. Your so mature for your age. Compared to others in the class, you are a head taller and seem about 9 if people had to guess. You like hanging out with older girls which sometimes worries me, but thats b/c they are your cousins. I just want to keep you here!!! Your so carefree and have not a worry in the world. Girls aren't mean to you yet, like they were to me, no jealousy, envy, mean girls, trash talk....Oh I pray that you don't get treated like I did. Your beautiful. My mom used to tell me that all the time too but I never believed it until now....And now its too late b/c I am getting old!!! :) No, I am not, but I didn't have faith or believe in myself like I should have and I want you too! It held me back, it caused me to be a push over, talked into things, make wrong choices b/c I didn't have enough faith in myself and was afraid that others wouldn't like me. Now, I know and if they don't like me, then too bad!! Your never going to please everyone!!!
Karlie, I know that I will fail you as a mom. I know that I am going to make mistakes but I will try my hardest and I will try to be honest with you always. I continue to pray to the Lord to help me as a mom to make the right decisions not only for myself but those that affect you so that you come to know and have a relationship with the Lord. I want you to know Him earlier than I came to know Him. And maybe not even that but as long as you do!! Yes, the sooner the better b/c my life is soooo much better I cannot even begin to explain to you the ways that moms life has changed in the past 5 years....someday you and I will have a LONG talk. Its so amazing to me to see the Lords providential hand in my life, even in bringing me you. My perfect little Karlie Joy. I say that now, your not going to make me change my mind in 5 years are you? ;)
I will celebrate the changes and I pray to accept them as part of the process of us, you and me. I hope we stay close but it is also my #1 job to raise you in what is right in the eyes of the Lord and today Kar....that is a HARD job. I am going to have to say no to you, I am going to be the dorky mom, I am going to say no to the clothes that are "in", I am going to say no to the makeup, I am going to say no to some boys or friends you want in the house....I am going to have to set boundaries to help you b/c that is my job from God. To bring honor and glory to Him and that is going to make you mad when life seems "unfair and hard...." trust me honey, you have no idea what hard is!! This mom has been thru it....
Karlie, just enjoy life right where you are!!! I tell myself that all the time. Don't look to the future, it might not be there!! Don't look to what you hope to have, hope to be, plans to be made, it may never happen....Enjoy today!!! Life at 7 is GREAT!!!
This week on Friday Dec. 14 was dads birthday. We had plans to go out for dinner and to a Griffins hockey game and you and Luke were sooooo excited, you would have thought it was your birthday. Here I have this whole party planned for you on your birthday and your more excited about going to the Griffins hockey game! Thats usually the way it goes! lol
Friday was also the day that our country had a tragedy occur. In a school in Connecticut, 20 first graders got killed and 8 adults by a young punk 20 years old who ended up taking his own life, just walked into school and started shooting.... We didnt' talk about it much that day but since then we have, I didn't want to upset you on your special weekend. It is just devastating and I thought about how easy it was to come into your school and see you, how that could have been you!! I slept with you 2 nights this weekend just to be at your side, I lay awake staring at you b/c your so beautiful, your face is like a porcelain doll, and your so sweet and innocent and I can see the love for the Lord in your heart growing and it makes me soooo happy!!! Your really starting to understand deep topics in relationship to God, Jesus, and the Holy spirit and sin and punishment, Why we want Jesus, how to set ourselves apart, and do not conform...I pray for you often, and not nearly enough!!!
Saturday finally came. I asked if you wanted to go to the tiny restaurant at the corner for breakfast but you wanted Grandma Nyenhuis' dutch pancakes! So we headed over. You opened your presents from mom and dad first (I got you a special necklace which was sterling silver cross, I wear the same one, telling you that you are a special gift to me, and from God and that you are God's, special in your own way) I hope you keep it along time and treasure it. You also got clothes (from Justice of coarse!! and a makeup box from justice, slippers, journals, crafts and hair accessories) you are DEFINITELY all girl. I don't know where you get it. Honestly. I hate doing hair, makeup, and love jeans and sweatshirts and you LOVE IT!! Maybe its the age. I think you are growing up WAY TOO FAST!!!!
We went shopping and to pick up your birthday cake, then the girls started arriving for the party. 13 friends for a gymnastics party. (Mallory and Kate Hoekwater, Alexis Dehoop, Raina (neighbor), Corryn (daughter of moms friend) classmates (Ainsley, Emerson, Ellie, boy....I can't remember without you. (yes, mom is getting old :) You girls had a blast. We ALL loaded up in Uncle Troys big van that fit 12. Jackie and the others met us down there. You played, jumped, twirled, and then we had pizza, cake, and sang to you. (even the police showed up!! Aunt Jackies suburban got broken into :( Then we headed home to open presents and to play. Party was from 2:30-6:30 and Corryn stayed all night. Your favorite gift was from Corryn, a voice activated journal that opens only to your voice! You wanted to take it to school today but mom said no. ;)
I kinda felt bad b/c I never got personal time with you. You don't get a full blown birthday party every year young lady!! Don't expect it, its alot of $$ even though you think everything is free. I really need to teach you appreciation, and quit buying things you don't have to have....Ya, I like to spoil you, shoot, I spend all of my own personal allowance that I get each week on you guys not me!!! Its more fun seeing you enjoy things than things mom doesn't really need either. Grandma N spoils you alot too!! Your so blessed to have such great grandpa and grandmas!!!
I love you Karlie Joy more than you will ever know. You are truly growing up into a lady right before my eyes. Your so mature for your age. Compared to others in the class, you are a head taller and seem about 9 if people had to guess. You like hanging out with older girls which sometimes worries me, but thats b/c they are your cousins. I just want to keep you here!!! Your so carefree and have not a worry in the world. Girls aren't mean to you yet, like they were to me, no jealousy, envy, mean girls, trash talk....Oh I pray that you don't get treated like I did. Your beautiful. My mom used to tell me that all the time too but I never believed it until now....And now its too late b/c I am getting old!!! :) No, I am not, but I didn't have faith or believe in myself like I should have and I want you too! It held me back, it caused me to be a push over, talked into things, make wrong choices b/c I didn't have enough faith in myself and was afraid that others wouldn't like me. Now, I know and if they don't like me, then too bad!! Your never going to please everyone!!!
Karlie, I know that I will fail you as a mom. I know that I am going to make mistakes but I will try my hardest and I will try to be honest with you always. I continue to pray to the Lord to help me as a mom to make the right decisions not only for myself but those that affect you so that you come to know and have a relationship with the Lord. I want you to know Him earlier than I came to know Him. And maybe not even that but as long as you do!! Yes, the sooner the better b/c my life is soooo much better I cannot even begin to explain to you the ways that moms life has changed in the past 5 years....someday you and I will have a LONG talk. Its so amazing to me to see the Lords providential hand in my life, even in bringing me you. My perfect little Karlie Joy. I say that now, your not going to make me change my mind in 5 years are you? ;)
I will celebrate the changes and I pray to accept them as part of the process of us, you and me. I hope we stay close but it is also my #1 job to raise you in what is right in the eyes of the Lord and today Kar....that is a HARD job. I am going to have to say no to you, I am going to be the dorky mom, I am going to say no to the clothes that are "in", I am going to say no to the makeup, I am going to say no to some boys or friends you want in the house....I am going to have to set boundaries to help you b/c that is my job from God. To bring honor and glory to Him and that is going to make you mad when life seems "unfair and hard...." trust me honey, you have no idea what hard is!! This mom has been thru it....
Karlie, just enjoy life right where you are!!! I tell myself that all the time. Don't look to the future, it might not be there!! Don't look to what you hope to have, hope to be, plans to be made, it may never happen....Enjoy today!!! Life at 7 is GREAT!!!
Sunday, December 9, 2012
6 and almost 7
Dear Karlie,
You are in 1st grade this year and let me tell you, life has been VERY easy but seems to be getting harder between us. :( You are definitely becoming more independant, bossy, and roll your eyes at mom when I "don't make sense". I suppose that is life and the age where you are, but it makes me sad. You just seem to think that I am so against you sometimes!!! I am your BEST friend ever and would do anything for you and I am only trying to do my best job, someday I hope you will understand that. Being a mom is hard. You want your kids to love you, respect you and honor you, listen, but sometimes you just think that I am plain old "dumb". I understand, I know I did too when I was younger with my mom.
You are definitely into fashion. You LOVE the store justice and would die and go to heaven in there. This year for your birthday I told anyone and everyone to shop at Justice. You want makeup, you love doing hair, you like all that glitters....SUCH a girly girl!!! I don't think that I was EVERY like that. Many people probably think that I am the one that wears off on you to be like that, but trust me, I would rather be in jeans and a sweatshirt anyday!!!
You LOVE singing and I am trying to get you some lessons b/c I know you would be awesome. I have even volunteered to sing with you to try to encourage you. You love to go on itunes and pandora radio and listen to hiphop music, mom often doesn't agree and makes you turn it off. Ya, call me old fashioned but its just stuff that I don't want you consumed with. I always put in the front of my mind "Do not conform to the ways of this world". It DOES matter what goes in and out of your little mind. It DOES matter what kind of friends you have, the clothes...You just remind me so much of myself that I think that is why we butt heads. I used to be the same way. You will always be looking at yourself, asking if you look pretty, and you are beautiful just the way you are!!!!!! I never believed it when I was younger and I still don't believe it as much as I should, but through my faith in the good Lord I do know that I am beautiful and I don't compare anymore....I am who the Lord made me and by trying to change that it is saying that God wasn't good enough in what he did for me.
I want you to find your worth in the Lord, not the friends, stuff, makeup, clothes....stuff that doesn't matter!!! It will always leave you empty and looking for the fullfullment in something else. Filling the void with earthly things will always leave you empty.... I try so hard to build up your self-esteem but you put sooooo much pressure on yourself. You want to be perfect, you want to do good, make other proud, you hate it if someone is disappointed and some of those things are WONDERFUL qualities and can be treasured, but I don't want you to get so discouraged in trying to please others b/c that will also fail. We can't please everyone else. Karlie has to be who she is and proud of who SHE is and that is really hard as a girl. I am going to try my hardest Karlie. I have a HUGE passion for girls in school, comparing, competition, envy, jealousy, they are mean, they were mean to mom and I cried all the time....I don't want it to happen to you and I pray for you alot, not near enough!!!
Its almost Christmas and you want a makeup kit from Justice, you got a journal/diary and LOVE it from aunt Sarah, and earings and a earing holder which you also love....I bought you clothes (yes from Justice) and I am going to give you a cross necklace that I bought from Silpada which I hope you wear daily and never loose. It reminds you of who you are and who loves you....Jesus and mom. You will someday realize that those are the 2 people that will NEVER leave you nor judge you and that you can always go to. I know that one of them though will fail....Me. I won't be the best mom, I will fail you, you will get mad at me, hate me at times, think I am the evil one....but You are Jesus' child and He will always have you in His hands. You are growing in your faith so much this year!!! Last week you wanted to pray at the dinner table:
Dear God, thank you so much that today we could worship you. That we could learn about you....I kicked dads leg under the table and gave him a look of complete amazement!!! Worship you???? I have NEVER heard you say that before and it brought tears to my eyes. I am so proud of you Karlie.
I love you more than you will ever know....
Mom
You are in 1st grade this year and let me tell you, life has been VERY easy but seems to be getting harder between us. :( You are definitely becoming more independant, bossy, and roll your eyes at mom when I "don't make sense". I suppose that is life and the age where you are, but it makes me sad. You just seem to think that I am so against you sometimes!!! I am your BEST friend ever and would do anything for you and I am only trying to do my best job, someday I hope you will understand that. Being a mom is hard. You want your kids to love you, respect you and honor you, listen, but sometimes you just think that I am plain old "dumb". I understand, I know I did too when I was younger with my mom.
You are definitely into fashion. You LOVE the store justice and would die and go to heaven in there. This year for your birthday I told anyone and everyone to shop at Justice. You want makeup, you love doing hair, you like all that glitters....SUCH a girly girl!!! I don't think that I was EVERY like that. Many people probably think that I am the one that wears off on you to be like that, but trust me, I would rather be in jeans and a sweatshirt anyday!!!
You LOVE singing and I am trying to get you some lessons b/c I know you would be awesome. I have even volunteered to sing with you to try to encourage you. You love to go on itunes and pandora radio and listen to hiphop music, mom often doesn't agree and makes you turn it off. Ya, call me old fashioned but its just stuff that I don't want you consumed with. I always put in the front of my mind "Do not conform to the ways of this world". It DOES matter what goes in and out of your little mind. It DOES matter what kind of friends you have, the clothes...You just remind me so much of myself that I think that is why we butt heads. I used to be the same way. You will always be looking at yourself, asking if you look pretty, and you are beautiful just the way you are!!!!!! I never believed it when I was younger and I still don't believe it as much as I should, but through my faith in the good Lord I do know that I am beautiful and I don't compare anymore....I am who the Lord made me and by trying to change that it is saying that God wasn't good enough in what he did for me.
I want you to find your worth in the Lord, not the friends, stuff, makeup, clothes....stuff that doesn't matter!!! It will always leave you empty and looking for the fullfullment in something else. Filling the void with earthly things will always leave you empty.... I try so hard to build up your self-esteem but you put sooooo much pressure on yourself. You want to be perfect, you want to do good, make other proud, you hate it if someone is disappointed and some of those things are WONDERFUL qualities and can be treasured, but I don't want you to get so discouraged in trying to please others b/c that will also fail. We can't please everyone else. Karlie has to be who she is and proud of who SHE is and that is really hard as a girl. I am going to try my hardest Karlie. I have a HUGE passion for girls in school, comparing, competition, envy, jealousy, they are mean, they were mean to mom and I cried all the time....I don't want it to happen to you and I pray for you alot, not near enough!!!
Its almost Christmas and you want a makeup kit from Justice, you got a journal/diary and LOVE it from aunt Sarah, and earings and a earing holder which you also love....I bought you clothes (yes from Justice) and I am going to give you a cross necklace that I bought from Silpada which I hope you wear daily and never loose. It reminds you of who you are and who loves you....Jesus and mom. You will someday realize that those are the 2 people that will NEVER leave you nor judge you and that you can always go to. I know that one of them though will fail....Me. I won't be the best mom, I will fail you, you will get mad at me, hate me at times, think I am the evil one....but You are Jesus' child and He will always have you in His hands. You are growing in your faith so much this year!!! Last week you wanted to pray at the dinner table:
Dear God, thank you so much that today we could worship you. That we could learn about you....I kicked dads leg under the table and gave him a look of complete amazement!!! Worship you???? I have NEVER heard you say that before and it brought tears to my eyes. I am so proud of you Karlie.
I love you more than you will ever know....
Mom
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Born December 15 2005
Today is Sunday November 4, 2012 and You are almost 7 years old! Someone told me about a dad that started a email for both of his kids and periodically would make entries into it so that someday when they were older, they could look at the "notes" from dad. I LOVED that idea!! Yes I am alittle behind b/c you are already 6, but better late than never!!! I started your blog for you today. I am not sure when I will tell you about it. This is to you, my beautiful daughter, love mom. (I am 35 today :)
Mom and dad were married for over a year when we started trying to have a baby....Of coarse I wanted it on MY time and MY schedule....The Lord laughed at that and it wasn't happening. Month after month I would take tests and cry, wondering why it wasn't happening. I started having testing after one year of trying and dad got tested too, everything looked fine. God was just teaching us patience and waiting on HIS time and not ours. Even that taught me a valuable lesson and can look back as God's providence.
Finally I took a test and saw a positive sign! I was so excited and crying and screaming, I remember running out of the house to dad in the driveway saying it was positive!!! So much for thinking of a creative way to tell him! There is NO WAY I could have thought that out and hid it from him for even a second. I left dad all alone in an OBGYN office with my Dr. b/c I had an emergency to pick up grandpa and grandma from the airport and dad looked at my Dr. and said "If it is God's will, it WILL happen, we are NOT taking medication". 6 months later I was pregnant and by the time we found out, I was already almost 12 weeks along.
My pregnancy with you was AWESOME!!!! I felt great, looked "ok" :) but by the end I was pretty swollen everywhere!! I came down with gestational diabetes so you were scheduled to be induced so that you didn't get too big on Dec. 14, Dads birthday! He picked the date, and wanted to have you on his birthday. Well, needless to say, that never happened b/c you had your own plan. You wanted your own birthday so you came 26 hours after inducing and 3 hours of pushing....On December 15. It was absolutely hands down the hardest thing that I have EVER done up until that time in my life. I had colon surgery when I was 21 years old and that was Nothing (yes, it was really bad too but nothing could have prepared me for how hard delivery was with you.....) Dad and I both thought that I was going to die. I cried and cried, I was so pumped with fluids b/c I had an infection and you did too. The meconium was in my fluid and when you FINALLY came out, you were blue, and not breathing.....For hours they debated back and forth whether to take me to C-section but that night there had already been 16 of them.....Needless to say, they should have Karlie. You and I both almost died.
As soon as you came out there was a whole team of specialists awaiting your arrival...You were suctioned, ventilated, resuscitated, and in a very bad condition....You had begun shutting down. The team formed a wall around you so that I couldn't see you. Dad didn't even get to cut the cord, they stripped you away from us as fast as they could. I yelled at dad to go see you, to go watch you b/c I knew that something was terribly wrong. He didn't want to leave my side.....He kept washing my face with a cloth....We were both bawling and scared.
They took you away in a ventilator box....I didn't even get to hold you or touch you....It was soooo hard. I am writing this and bawling my eyes out, I guess I never realized how much I suffered b/c mom always pushes pain and suffering back and never lets it out....I don't allow myself time to grieve..... Dad and I were placed on an overflow floor b/c there was no room in the inn (....just kidding, I have to put some humor in here) but seriously there was no room on delivery so I was brought to a cancer floor. They wheeled me to "my" room and all the nurses looked at me with disgust....a post partumn patient. No supplies in my room, nothing. I assumed that when I had you I would be breastfeeding you. Now what? I don't have my baby. I asked the nurse and she threw a pump at me. I had no clue how to use a breast pump!!! We just wanted to see you! Finally at 1am one nurse took pity on us and took us to the Intensive baby nursery to see you. You were loaded with IV's, and beautiful. We loved you sooooooo much. I just touched you through the little holes on the side by hand....unable to hold you in my arms. You were sick with an infection and your kidneys were shutting down.....Dad and I were a total wreck.
We spent 5 days there, up 5 floors on the opposite end of the hospital of you, NO visitors except immediate family could come. We had to travel 10 min. at least just to see you. Down 5 floors across the entire hospital lobby and main floor, up another elevator 3 floors, down another hallway to the end....I could hear you every time. You were loud!!!! :) You were the biggest baby in there 8pds 4oz. Some of the other babies in the boxes never had parents come see them....Some were so tiny.....The nurses loved you b/c you were a "big" baby and they didn't have to be so cautious and gently like a 1 pdr. I got to breastfeed you there, pump in my room, they would tube it down a system to feed you at night. You got better and so did I and thank the good Lord we got to leave the hospital together. Me and Dad, and a carseat with you!!! We had NO CLUE what we were doing or getting into. We were both scared shit-less. You cried for hours when you got home and we didn't know what to do with you. We went flying to the store and bought gas drops, fed you formula, breastfed you....loaded you with anything. We both laugh about it now but it wasn't funny at the time!!
First time parents. Oh man, I wish I could do it all over again. SOOOOOoooo stressed about a schedule and breastfeeding, so many rules b/c I read this stupid book that "guaranteed" a good baby, I think that book produced more post partumn mom depressions than anything else!! I just wanted to be a good mom. I wanted the best for you and had no clue how to make that possible. You had colic the first 3 months but after that you were a very good baby. We learned, everyone does. I just wish I could savor every minute and do it again. I LOVED you soooooo much and you were our pride and Joy. Your name was given after aunt Angie. It fits you perfectly b/c you were just that and always have been to us. A pure JOY. Born in December I think it fits even more! You were the center of our universe.
I failed at many things and I will keep failing as a mom but I am doing the very best I can. I love you beyond words....Lately you and I just butt heads sooo much, I think its b/c we are so much alike. I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I did!!! I want to protect you, I want to teach you not to grow up sooo fast. Not to get into makeup, clothes, boys!!!! You are soooo beautiful Karlie, honestly, people would stop me ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!! When you were a baby and say how beautiful you were b/c your face was like a porcelain doll....flawless, soft, pure white....I stay awake at night often just staring at you wondering if you will ever realize how beautiful you are.....Wondering if you will be like me and totally deny it your whole life!!! My mom always told me how beautiful I was, but did you think I believed her? NOPE!!! I want you to see yourself in Gods eyes...beautiful, perfect, fun, loving, kind, giving......I just wish and will try all I can to prevent you from "conforming to the ways of the world". I tried doing that too and it fails, it will fail you, you will have conflict and struggle, and nothing or anyone of this world is worth the sacrifice....Nothing nor anyone will bring you true JOY like God and I pray and will continue to pray that you have a relationship with Him. Right now you are 6 going on 20....dancing, singing, wanting to wear makeup, roll your eyes at me, push me away.... I just don't want you to grow up so fast....Your still that little baby that I want to hold.....I know God has great plans for you and I am going to do my best for Him in raising you.
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